We have all said when I have kids I am going to do this, that, or the other. I know I did! In fact my husband and I had long conversations about how we would raise them, discipline, religion, and of course what we wanted in our kids future.

Once our first son arrived things changed. We stood by some of the things we "planned" on for a while, but the reality is things change. So what changed? My understanding of what a parent is.

Here are a few things that have changed and what I have learned from it.

1. Discipline.

We talked about the way we would discipline our kids. I am a firm believer that children need to be disciplined. That hasn't changed. However, my method of discipline has changed. I thought all kids were disciplined the same. Wow what a shock when my first child didn't respond to my first method of discipline. What an even bigger shocker when I had to start reading books and how to teach children articles to figure out ways to discipline my second.

So what have I learned? EVERY child is different. Although discipline is important, it is even more important to find a method that fits your child. Don't assume one method will work for every child.

2. I always looked at rowdy kids as out of control and undisciplined. I always said my kids will never be like that, why? Because they will be disciplined. Ha ha ha boy was I wrong. Although I discipline my children they still have their moments. This has been the biggest struggle of parenting by far. I find myself saying "my son is almost 4 why does he still act this way?" It is so frustrating! Well I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that hey I just had a breakdown! I just stomped my foot, said grr, and walked away. Something I woulda spanked my child for I just did. Guess what? We ALL have our moments. No it doesn't make it right, but I have to look at the example I'm setting and make sure I'm not being a hypocrite. When I do things like that my mimic for sons follow in my footsteps.

So what did I learn? Don't be a hypocrite! If I'm having a bad day make sure I do the best I can to stay positive. If I need to have a breakdown take a walk, do as Daniel Tiger says "take a deep breath and count to five." After all isn't that what we teach our kids?

3. Mean what you say.

I was never one for empty threats. If you tell your kids you are going to do something, do it! I always thought there was one side to it, the discipline side. When you tell your children "eat your dinner or no dessert" you better be able to follow through with that. When you tell your children "I will play with you in a few minutes," you better mean that and not just be saying it. There were many times I said "yeah I will be there in a second." My kids would ask minutes later has it been a second yet?

What have I learned? Be careful what you say! Kids learn not to trust what their parents say when you don't follow through. Again, this goes both ways. If you give them ice cream with out them finishing their dinner they learn that their parents don't mean what they so they don't have to listen. The same goes for something positive like playing with them. If you don't follow through on what you say, how can they believe anything you say? It is much easier said than done, but it is something so important that as a parent I need to work on.

4. Dont say things you shouldn't in front of your kids.

Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. I discovered that when my son was a newborn. He knew if he cried I would pick him up. As my first child I was concerned when he cried. I didn't know what was wrong. After talking to my parents I found that he was not crying because something was wrong, he was crying because he knew I would pick him up. My mom always said "is he fed, changed, and comfortable (no fever, tugging on ear, symptoms of sickness)? Then he should be fine."

My discovery was confirmed when he was about 12 months old. One day I was putting a puzzle together with him and I smelled him so I said "can you get me a diaper and the wipes?" I didn't think he would know what I meant, and I certainly didn't think he would actually do it. To my surprise, he got the diaper, wipes, and laid down. I was shocked!

Now at three my son an talk and carry on full conversations. He listens to all my conversations I have in front of him whether I think he is listening or not. He now repeats things I say which can sometimes be embarrassing.

What I learned: don't say anything in front of kids that I don't want others to know.

5. Going along with number four, this also means be careful what you say to your spouse in front of the kids.

Because kids are smart they can pin their parents on one another. Here is an example: my son likes to ask me to go outside and play. If he doesn't get the answer he wants out of me he will go ask his daddy. This makes for an upset mom because I had originally said no. Who do I take it out on? Daddy! My husband and I learned very fast to ask the other parent what they think before answering. We want to make sure we aren't going against what the other parent is saying. What does it mean to a child when one parent says yes and the other says no? It means that the parents are not on the same page. By asking a simple question to a spouse you save yourself from fighting and having the child pick sides.

What have I learned? Parents should work together as one. Now that doesn't mean they always have to agree, but when there is a disagreement it should not be disgussed in front of the kids. Especially when it is about them. You do not want a child taking sides with one parent because that parent has the child's side. If it is something serious take it to the bedroom and shut the door. Come to an agreement before you come out, sit down with the child, let them know that both of you are on the same page by giving one answer.

6. My messy house is my home.

I always said my house would stay spotless because I would be the perfect mom and wife who could manage to do everything. Guess what? I'm not, I was also never a fan of the thought of snuggling kids at bedtime. In fact I always kinda looked down on parents who did it. Guess what?! I'm now a snuggling mom and I love it!!! My husband is also a snuggling dad! We love our snuggle times with our kids. I take a lot of crap at times from others because I spend too much time with my kids and not enough on other things. I would love to have a clean spotless house, sew, scrapbook, have ladies nights, and go to the spa whenever I want. But I am a mom. My choice is to spend my time with my kids and spouse. How long will my son want to snuggle? At what point is he going to stop wanting to play cars, house, cowboys and Indians, and other things with me? I mean he was a baby yesterday and I took a nap then his brother came. This morning I took a nap and I have a 23 month old, almost 4 year old, and one on the way. Both my kids picked out their own clothes this morning, got dressed, and made their beds. I took too long of a nap! What if I take another nap and when I wake up they are gone? I know it sounds silly to some people, but I only have a short period of time with my kids before they are embarrassed to be seen with me, or they don't want me to tuck them in, kiss them, or snuggle them. Until that day my house may stay on the messy side because I will be busy playing, snuggling, reading, and spending time with them.

What I learned: Kids grow up too dang fast. I can have a good balance, play during the day, get things done in between, and clean at night. I am with my kids almost 24/7 so I am the biggest influence on them next to their dad. The things I do now matter!

7. Spouse time is important!

Although I said that my kids take my time (in six), my relationship with my husband is extremely important. He is my best friend and deserves to have some one on one time with just me. He works hard for our family and needs a break every now and again too. A date night is so important for our family. It gets kids away from mommy and daddy for a night and the other way around. All of us get a little break. As my son gets older I have noticed he needs a break too, from his sibling. He loves his brother but sometimes he needs a break and some much needed one on one time each child needs this.

What I learned: my husband and my date is extremely important. A mommy/daddy son date is almost as important. Children need to know that they are not just another child, but important and loved as an individual. We have seen our son act out a lot less when we do this even just once a month. It makes him feel special. We don't do much, sometimes it is just ice cream and grocery shopping. But that one on one time is something that he needs.

8. Don't judge.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I always thought there was. We are all learning and therefore we all make mistakes.

What have I learned? I'm far from being a perfect parent, but I know how to give my children love, teach them, and make sure their needs are met. We are all in the same boat so lets uplift and support each other instead of bringing one another down.

I love my family more than anything in this world. I know not a lot of people disagree with my beliefs, I also haven't seen my children grown up. I don't know right now what mistakes I am making or will make, but that is what parenting is all about, doing the best we can, showing them love, and fulfilling their needs. I will make mistakes, I will learn from them. I will modify this list later, but this is what I have learned so far. I would not change anything I have done! Each parent does the best they can, I don't know how to parent my neighbors kids, nor do I want to. I am only learning to parent mine. And I am so grateful for that!




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